Culture shock and expat stress: when moving to Spain gets hard

You planned the move for months. The flat, the paperwork, the school, the job. Then, a few weeks or months after arriving, something shifts: you feel tired, irritable or strangely sad, even though "everything is fine". If this sounds familiar, you may be going through culture shock, one of the most common and least talked-about parts of moving abroad.

The usual stages of culture shock

1. Honeymoon. Everything is new and exciting: the light, the food, the long lunches.
2. Frustration. Bureaucracy, language barriers, different timetables and unwritten social rules start to wear you down. You may miss home more than you expected.
3. Adjustment. Little by little you build routines, understand how things work and make some friends.
4. Adaptation. You feel at home in both cultures, with your own way of living here.

Not everyone goes through every stage, and not in a straight line. A visit home, a loss or a problem at work can bring the frustration back.

Signs it may be more than a bad week

• Sleeping badly or feeling exhausted most days.
• Constant worry, irritability or tension in your body.
• Withdrawing: avoiding people, staying at home, spending hours on the phone with people back home.
• Drinking more than usual to unwind.
• More arguments with your partner, especially if one of you moved "for the other".
• Children who struggle at school or seem unhappy and you do not know how to help.

If several of these last more than a few weeks, it is worth talking to a professional. Asking for help early prevents stress from turning into anxiety or depression.

What helps you settle

• Build a routine with fixed points: exercise, meals, sleep.
• Invest in local connections as well as expat ones: a class, a club, volunteering, a language exchange.
• Keep a link with home without living in it: scheduled calls instead of constant scrolling.
• Be patient with the language. Every small conversation counts.
• Talk about it as a couple or family. Each person adapts at a different speed.

How therapy can help

Therapy gives you a space to make sense of what is happening, lower the anxiety and decide how you want to live here. We often work on loneliness, identity, relationship tensions after a move and the pressure of "it was my decision, so I should be happy".

At López de Fez we offer therapy in English for adults, couples and families, in person in central Valencia or online.

If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call 112 or Spain's free 24-hour 024 helpline.